Confusion
by Volcanic Plug
Summary: At least Tosh seems unlikely to trigger the apocalypse as a result.' Owen thinks about Tosh and tries to figure out exactly what he was meant to do. Spoilery mentions from S1 and S2 up to episode 4.


Summary: Owen thinks about Tosh and tries to figure out exactly what he was meant to do. Spoilery mentions from S1 and S2 up to episode 4.

Disclaimer: Not mine (unfortunately – I could do with the money)

Author Note: I haven't written for ages and this is my first Torchwood fic. I'd love some reviews!

Before Gwen, me and Tosh had been good friends, going for drinks and the occasional movie. Tosh knew I was screwing Suzie, just like I knew she wanted more than friendship from me. We just didn't mention it.

I never went after Tosh then, not because I didn't want to, but because I knew she wasn't the sort of person to have casual sex. She had proper feelings. I couldn't do proper relationships. Maybe I still can't. Diane was such a complete disaster. A woman that says she loves you, then willingly risks her life to get as far away from you as possible is not a good sign.

So I didn't go near Tosh like that; I respected her far too much to take advantage of her feelings. I knew that hurt her, but I also knew that I'd hurt her far more if I started sleeping with her. That's what I'm like. So we just stayed friends and ignored the idea of anything else.

Then Gwen came and everything changed. I acted like a wanker, and I'm big enough to admit that, at least to myself. The thing with Gwen was stupid and everyone knew it (because unfortunately everyone knew about it). It was really just sex to let off steam, but Gwen felt guilty and then I felt angry with her because of it. I knew I'd started it and should stop, for her sake, but I just needed to see that she wasn't as perfect as Jack seemed to think. She couldn't be that much of a bleeding heart if she was cheating on nice, normal, naïve Rhys. Unfortunately, an unexpected consequence of trying to make Gwen look bad; was making Tosh feel bad. Moving on to Gwen after Suzie, it must have seemed to Tosh that I was sleeping my way round the office…just not her.

So Gwen came along and screwed everything up. I'd like to leave it at that…blame it on someone else. But things are better now. After a few problems with cyberwomen, fairies, cannibals, lesbian aliens, an undead co-worker, a plane from the 1950s, the end of world and a trip to the Himalayas, things have finally calmed down again. Jack's back, Gwen's engaged, Ianto's…doing whatever he does (I don't want to ask, but at least he seems happy about it) and Tosh is back to being much nicer to me than I deserve.

Meeting Rhys seemed to remind Tosh that it was possible to have a normal relationship with this job. I'm still not convinced…I mean, doesn't it help the situation that Rhys is unbelievably faithful, while Gwen is too stubborn to give up? Even after our earlier conversation about having a relationship with this job, I wasn't expecting Tosh to ask me out. Surely she should still be upset about Tommy? Or is it just me that's completely incapable of dealing with falling in love with someone from the past? At least Tosh seems unlikely to trigger the apocalypse as a result.

I don't trust myself to make the right decision in situations like these; when I'm confused. I need to stand back, figure out what's going on. So I knocked her back…gently. Played oblivious. She looked disappointed, but not heartbroken, I hope.

So then I go away and think about it. Maybe she was after a rebound shag? Didn't seem a likely thing for Tosh, but still a possibility.

Maybe she hadn't cared about Tommy all that much? That at least would explain the lack of an apocalypse caused by a post past-person-love-affair breakdown. But I was sure she did care about him…like I said, she's not the sort of person to have casual sex.

Then again, maybe it wasn't that weird to be asking me out. Tosh is stronger than she looks; I always knew she'd get over it. She'd only known Tommy for 4 days anyway… though I'd only known Diane for a week and that was enough to send me into a meltdown when she left.

Eventually, the best explanation I could come up with, was that Tosh had cared about Tommy and she was upset when he left, but she's just a more stable person than me, and therefore has moved on without killing the boss and releasing a huge mass-murdering monster on the world.

Great! I'm not a rebound shag, she's not unstable, so she actually wants a date. Glad I've got that figured out.

The next question is what the hell do I do about it?


End file.
